There's Culture... and Then There's Culture

I grew up in South London, raised in a Nigerian household, where culture wasn’t just a concept; it was a code of conduct, our heritage, our identity.

As a Black British Nigerian woman, my cultural upbringing shaped everything from how I saw authority to how I communicated with adults. Respect wasn’t optional; it was foundational. You didn’t speak unless spoken to. You avoided eye contact with your elders as a sign of respect. You never, ever answered back. And in most cases, you waited to be told what to do before taking any initiative.

We were taught that silence was respectful, obedience was honourable, and humility was expected. These weren’t just family rules; they were cultural norms embedded in our identity, within my family and amongst our community.

Then, at 16 years old, I entered the workplace.

And suddenly, everything I had learned my whole life was flipped on its head.

All of a sudden, I was expected to speak up in meetings, to challenge ideas, and to make eye contact with senior leaders. I was told to "show initiative," "own my development," and "be visible."

But what happens when those behaviours directly contradict how you were raised? How do you reconcile the culture you come from with the culture you’re expected to perform in?

This is what I call the battle of the cultures, and this is where inclusion truly matters to me.

Because workplace culture and racial or ethnic culture are not the same. And when leaders design workplace culture solely through their own lens based on what feels comfortable, familiar, and "professional" to them, they unintentionally create environments that alienate those who don’t share that same lens.

I've seen this happen time and time again.

Brilliant people are being overlooked because they don’t "speak up enough." Colleagues are seen as lacking confidence because they don’t self-promote. Talented individuals are labelled as "not ready" because they don’t challenge leadership in the ways that are recognised or rewarded.

Many things are expected of us that we just weren't brought up to do! It was drummed into many of us that we obey at command with no questions!

So when we then enter the workplace, we either sink or swim. This is what I call the illusion of inclusion.

The belief that the workplace is a meritocracy. That the playing field is level. That everyone understands the rules. That culture is universal.

But it isn’t.

There’s culture. And then there’s culture.

And unless we acknowledge the lived experience of those from different cultural backgrounds, African, Caribbean, Chinese, Irish, South Asian, and beyond, we will continue to exclude people who were never taught to play by the same rules.

Because these rules weren’t made for everyone.

Inclusion means recognising that professionalism, confidence, leadership and communication look different depending on your cultural reference point. It means questioning our assumptions about what "good" looks like and who gets to define it.

And when the culture you come from collides with the culture you work in, the impact can be stifling, challenging and exclusionary.

The internal battle of the cultures can stunt growth and productivity 

Leadership involves learning to lead by listening. 

I’ve seen colleagues second-guess themselves before every meeting, terrified that speaking up too much will be seen as arrogance or too little as incompetence. I’ve seen professionals who avoid after-work drinks because of faith or family commitments quietly sidelined from networking opportunities. 

I’ve seen people whose accents, communication styles, or approaches to hierarchy are misinterpreted as weakness, passivity, or lack of ambition. These battles between personal culture and workplace culture are exhausting, and they take a toll on confidence, well-being, and career progression.

We also need to be honest about how workplace cultures are created. They are not accidental; they are largely dictated by leadership both at the top and in the middle. Senior leaders set the tone, signalling what is celebrated, what is punished, and what is ignored. Middle managers reinforce those expectations day-to-day, shaping how policies and values are actually lived. If those leaders only build cultures that mirror their own comfort zones, then by default, the culture becomes exclusive. 

True Inclusion requires leaders at every level to consciously widen the lens

To interrogate whether their version of "cultural fit" is really about shared values or just about shared backgrounds. This is why cultural intelligence is critical to leadership: without a deeper understanding of people, backgrounds, and cultural norms, leaders cannot create environments where everyone feels included, supported, and seen. 

In practice, cultural intelligence looks like leaders adapting their communication styles for colleagues who process information differently; questioning biases in performance evaluations; recognising that 'confidence' can look like listening as much as speaking; creating spaces where dietary, religious, or family commitments are respected; and intentionally engaging across difference rather than defaulting to familiarity.

This links directly back to my definition of the illusion of inclusion. Leaders often believe they are creating a culture for everyone, but without deeper cultural intelligence and an understanding of backgrounds and behaviours, they cannot truly drive an inclusive culture. 

What they build may look like inclusion on the surface, but in reality, it only works for some.

Because this is the heart of the illusion, leaders may believe they’re creating cultures for everyone, but without cultural understanding and a genuine curiosity about difference, what they really build is surface-level inclusion, comfortable for some, costly for others.

So what can leaders do to understand better and embrace the cultural differences within their teams? 

Here are five steps I've taken within my own leadership:

1. Listen deeply and often – create regular spaces to hear colleagues’ experiences of culture and inclusion without judgment or interruption.
2. Educate yourself – invest in cultural intelligence training and read widely about different cultural norms, behaviours, and histories.
3. Adapt your style – be flexible in how you lead and communicate, understanding that not everyone engages or contributes in the same way.
4. Interrogate bias in systems – review how performance is measured, how promotions are decided, and how opportunities are shared to ensure fairness across cultural differences.
5. Model curiosity and humility – show that you don’t have all the answers, but that you’re committed to learning from your people and growing alongside them.

Because true inclusion isn’t about expecting everyone to conform to one way of being—it’s about creating a workplace where all cultures are valued, respected, and seen.